4-16-08

The girls always teach me so much, I am so thankful for them in my life. This morning we talked about Ananias & Sapphira, a passage that always leaves me a little troubled(which is exciting about God and dangerous to our human minds). How interesting to think that the early church was set up in a type of socialism(a concept that I have always loved). God knew that type of movement would only last under protection. He made an example of A/S and the next passage is very interesting….’ No one else dared to join them, though everyone had high regard for them, And more and more people believed and were brought to the Lord-crowds of both men and women.’
It set a standard that some were not willing to step up to, but others longed for. I loved the verses leading up to this story, because I think this is where the story of A/S really began…Barnabas gives ALL, later we see Barnabas sent out by the church. This is a beautiful example of being faithful/obedient in the small things. God did not demand that the early believers sell all their land and give all the money to the church, but He was pleased when they made that kind of sacrifice, symbolically sacrificing all(time, gifts, money)! However He did demand Truth and the fact that A/S entered into a lie but tried to appear to give all was something God was not going to stand for from His children, I love this because it is God telling us to be honest with Him about Everything, even when they are feelings towards Him that we feel like we should not feel(anger, hurt, frustration) God does not want us to go quiet on Him with how we feel…God would have loved to hear A/S say ‘I want to want to give all, but I’m not there yet God , Help me’ I think the story would have turned out very differently, that’s Grace, God meets us where we are at because of Jesus, but we have to make the constant choice to be honest with what’s going on with us.

3-2-08

I find it intriguing that all humans desire to have a voice and be heard. I went to see Stomp @ the Imax today and what
struck me was the single idea that we all live by a defined rhythm, no matter the environment. We thrive by this beat,
this movement. We expressly crave to be understood by a source outside of ourselves. It offers our very
definition of who we are and what is our place in this time period called life. And can a single human find an individual rhythm?
or do we all fit into a pattern pre-existing us?

Bordeaux

And the legs on my good Sam’s bought Bordeaux
dances in shadow prints on an empty desk
finding good music and wanting to own it’s rhythm
seeing my blood in a new light
seeing her different
never the same
a season has come to an end
and I’m not sad that the
chapters closed
that we’ve grown up a bit
the future seems to hover
in my present moment of confusion
delighting in the inconsistencies in life
in the inconsistencies of what I say
what I enjoy
who I am
and that’s just simply my complex life
knowing journal entries and blogs don’t lead to change.
Change itself leads to change
and my poetic presence seems magically strengthened
and I remember what I said that day to you, at the table,
I want to be a book not write one.
A living piece of art
breathing

The Beginning

I ask myself to enchant others
to give a meaning for my existing
in creating a space
to feel useful
fulfilled